Kym has been through a lot in her short life. She’s been in and out of foster care for the last six years or so. It began when she was removed from her mother’s home due to abuse, ultimately ending up with her father, and then being removed from his home due to neglect. The last time she entered the system was three years ago. That’s when I entered the picture.
We met at an emergency shelter. This bright, well-spoken girl who, at the age of 10, had seen and experienced things that no child should.
If I’m being honest, I was a little nervous. We both were, I think. But she understood why she was there, and even understood why I was there. We talked about her family (she really missed her father) and school (she LOVES school and is a straight-A student!) She loves Art. As evidenced by something she drew for me that day. Like the artwork my son made for me when he was little, this is something I’ll always cherish.
But there was a limit on the amount of time she could stay in the shelter.
And thus began a period in her life that sadly, thousands of children in Texas experience. She packed her belongings into garbage bags more times than any child should have to count. Twelve different times she moved from Foster Home to Foster Home. Back to her father. Then back to a different shelter. Then back to another Foster Home. And then with a friend. And on and on and on.
Twelve times.
They (whoever “they” are) say that kids are resilient. And I saw that to be true with Kym. Time and time again. But … I also noticed that with every move, it took a little more time for her resiliency to make its way forward. Each move, more difficult than the last.
Without much choice, she would adjust. To a new “family”, a new school, new house rules, new doctors, new friends, new therapists.
There was individual therapy. And family therapy. And each time she moved, and had to change therapists, she had to start over. Revisiting those demons from her past. Rehashing all the things she’d seen and been through, throughout her short lifespan. She just wanted to move on, you know?
As you might imagine, life “in the system” isn’t all fun and games. Wondering if you’ll ever be able to go home. Questioning whether your father will show up for your scheduled visit. Asking yourself, “is it something I did?” Speculating if you’ll ever find a family of your own, one that will love you and keep you safe.
But there were also tears.
Of course, we talked about the things that we needed to talk about (“Do you need anything?”, “How’s school?”, “How are things here, at home?”). (For the Kids)
But we also talked about boys. Because pre-teens. And her friends. Yes, pre-teens. And boys. And her siblings. And her parents. And boys. And her foster-siblings. And boys.
This young girl. Bright enough to recognize when a “friend” really wasn’t a “friend” and when a boy wasn’t the right one either.
And always. Always. We talked about how she just wanted a family. Whether it be with her biological father or an adoptive family.
We’ve shared meals together, Kym and I.
We agree lemonade is awesome. As are chips and salsa. And we both love Dairy Queen ice cream. And their chicken fingers. With cream gravy.
We’ve debated whether or not m&ms belong in your popcorn at the movies. (For the record, they DO!) We both
agree that popcorn should ALWAYS have butter on it!She likes spicy food. I don’t. She talked me into going for chili dogs once. I like chili dogs. But she didn’t tell me I would need an entire volunteer fire department to put out the fire that occurred in my mouth after we ate said chili dogs. She laughed. She literally laughed at me.
Over those chili dogs, I told her I had recently seen the movie, “Instant Family”, and how I had sat in the theater, and cried complete buckets. Just thinking of the day that she would find her forever home. She dutifully rolled her eyes and reminded me just how truly weird I was. She’s a pre-teen. That’s what they do.
At some point after her parents’ rights were terminated, I was in court representing her during a semi-annual hearing. On the docket that day, was an adoption. Another child in Foster Care had found their forever home. There were smiles. And hugs. And tears of joy.
And I wasn’t even associated with their case.
I leaned over to my supervisor and expressed how I couldn’t even imagine the feelings that would come when one of my CASA kiddos finds their new family.
But is there a family out there who would want to adopt a pre-teen and soon-to-be teenager?
Kym wanted siblings. And pets. Preferably a Christian home. Somewhere in Texas. She didn’t care if they were rich or poor. She just wanted someone to love. And to love her.
After much review and deliberation, her support team (myself and my supervisor, her caseworker, along with others from the Department of Family and Protective Services) selected a family for a trial visit. After a weekend with Kym, the family was all in. And she was too. I grabbed my box of Kleenex, because I thought, “this is it!”
But after a few short months, we started to see a change in Kym. Things that were, in my opinion, very un-Kym like. She and I sat in her bedroom and she cried. And cried. And cried some more. I could do little more than offer her a hug. And a promise to talk things over with her caseworker and my supervisor.
It was painfully obvious this wasn’t the home for Kym after all.
She was placed with a different family for a weekend. It’s called “respite”. When one foster family gives another foster family a little bit of a break.
And this family fell in love with Kym. She was, they said, their missing puzzle piece.
Kym’s caseworker prepared to move her to this new Foster-to-Adopt Home. But that just couldn’t happen soon enough.
I won’t soon forget the phone call I received from Kym that Friday night. Angry and tearful, as she was removed from the home and transported to a safe space. A family friend who agreed to take her in for a short while. Until her new family was ready for her.
Disappointed, but not deterred. Kym was relieved to be out of that situation and anxious to begin, yet again. That resiliency thing. Remember?
She packed her belongings (some in garbage bags, some in boxes) for the last time a few months ago.
As we drove through two counties to her new Foster-to-Adopt Home, she asked if we could stay in touch if she did end up getting adopted. I was overwhelmed. And I fought back tears. She rolled her eyes. And called me weird.
From the moment I met the family, I just knew. I knew that Kym would be loved. That she would be safe. That she’d have just the right amount of structure and discipline. But also an abundance of laughter and joy. She’d have siblings – just like she wanted. And there were pets. And a Mom and Dad who acknowledged all that she had been through and were determined to show her that her future was indeed, bright.
Kym and her new Mom and Dad were anxious to proceed with the adoption. After hearing the Department’s testimony, along with my own, the judge agreed to waive the six-month period that’s typically required before adoptions can be completed. And so the family’s attorney took over, filing all the necessary paperwork in order to make everything official.
In the weeks leading up to the adoption, the excitement was palpable, even at a (social) distance. Her parents are planning to have a huge party once parties can be held again. And her Mom reminded me that I’m part of their family now too. And it made me so happy. And I envisioned myself sitting at Kym’s high school graduation. Maybe even her wedding. Of course, I haven’t mentioned this to her yet. Lest I reach a new level of ‘weird’ in her book.
Kym’s adoption was finalized last week. In the middle of a pandemic, the hearing was held via conference call.
“Surely”, I thought, “I can hold it together while on the phone.” Because doing this remotely, without the benefit of video, can’t possibly be as emotional as if it were in person. Oh, how wrong I was.
Like I had done so many times over the last three years, I rose my right hand, promising to tell the truth, and serve as Kym’s voice in court. I testified that I agreed completely. That Kym should be adopted by this family. That they would provide her love, and safety and stability. That she loved them. And they loved her.
And then. My heart swelled. All the feels gathering in my chest. And bubbling out of me uncontrollably. My emotions overcoming any amount of resilience I had left to hold them back. The tears came. In buckets.
A short time after the hearing, after she had called all of her new family members, her Meme and Papoo, her Omi and PawPaw and Grammy, and all of her aunts and uncles and cousins, we got to see each other and chat via FaceTime.
To say it was an emotional day, is quite an understatement.
We talked about the happy tears. That she cried. That her Mom and Dad cried. That her caseworker, her attorney, my supervisor and I had cried.
And she didn’t even roll her eyes at me. Not once.
She sat on her back porch. Wrapped up lovingly in her Mom’s arms. The three of us smiling through our tears. And I knew.
She is HOME.
